...Another data point I can add to this bug report is that upscaling lander legs and then saving/reloading them breaks them so their attachment strength is like chewing gum-level. I first noticed it landing on Mars, where even a <2m/s touchdown would just snap all 6 supposedly beefed-up legs off of a basic lander that was ~17 tons fully fueled. Funny thing is my engine bell was able to take the g load just fine and I came down on it stably, so it didn't even mess up my mission, but I think it's pretty obvious that is not the behavior you want from that part!
Anyway, when I went back to the VAB and tried to put that same lander on the launchpad it was stable just sitting there, but retracting the legs made them all pop off, as did launching it with retracted legs and then trying to extend them to make it stand up. Importantly, if I did all that, including the rescaling, without ever saving/reloading the lander in the VAB before launch, I saw none of these problems, so the issue seems very specific to the save/reload process.
...After doing a more stringent test in response to another report of the same issue, I must withdraw my conclusions above. Lander legs are just straight-up borked. This bug appears to be unrelated.